


Give Em The 'Ol Razzle Dazzle You Little Squirrel.

by GreetingsFromThePunderworld



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Oh look another crack!fic, Rated R for rainbows, Very fast paced, a waste of your time and mine, in the park, it goes down hill fast fam, jk is rated the language, real fast, ugly little squirrel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8647492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreetingsFromThePunderworld/pseuds/GreetingsFromThePunderworld
Summary: This is my prompt, I made it, don't question me, just read. Or don't.Person B: "you trained a fucking squirrel?"Like I said, down hill, real fast.Admittedly, this is funnier in the wee hours of the morning.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my_chemical_kermit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_chemical_kermit/gifts).



> You're gonna regret it- Addie from AHS

 This was the third time I've had seen this happen, only from a distance though. There are a lot of crazies in the city and I gotta keep safe.

 

I never stayed to watch what actually happens, this guy just kneels down in front of a tree like he's looking for something.

 

He followed suit, kneeling down in the dry orange-brown leaves that littered the ground. Just like he had done before. I was close enough to hear them crunch under his weight.

 

I was at an angle where I could see how he rounded his lips to form a small 'O' shape. He let out a low whistle, and then a few shorter bursts of the same note, as if he were calling to a dog.

 

An animal did come, just not a dog.

 

"You trained a fucking squirrel?" I burst out, bewildered.

 

The guy jumped back slipping on the leaves due to the lack of friction they provided. He looked younger up close, I thought he was like 40, now he looks a hell of a lot closer to my age and much less creepy.

 

"Shh! You'll scare him." He hissed out before he began whistling again.

 

The squirrel clung to the side of the tree, it's eyes bulging comically out of its head. It looked at me before looking back at the guy crouched over, now jotting notes down in a ringed notebook.

 

This squirrel was peculiar, not your average run of the mill kinda squirrel. The closest humanly comparasion in existence I can make as to how this squirrel looks, is to Scrat. This motherfucking rodent has been manifested from the Ice Age movies, into a physical squirrel, here at my local park in Jersey none the less.

 

This was strange. Very fucking strange.

 

Another low whistle sounded, the squirrel slowly made its way down the tree again. I shifted my weight to my other foot and this stranger has the audacity to hold up his finger at me to stop.

 

Fuck you stranger. Fuck you and your ugly ass little squirrel. I do not want to be involved in this any more than I already am, I am leaving.

 

As if he could read my mind, "Take one more step and I will send this squirrel after YOUR nuts." The guy looked hella peeved.

 

This sentence he uttered held so much malice and promise, I was actually tempted to cover my junk.

 

Before I could respond, then and there a young child came running towards the derpy squirrel, like children do. The squirrel scampered back up into the safety of the leaves, the child giggled happily at his accomplishment: frightening a tree rat.

 

A women called the kid back, sending an apologetic look my way. Luckily too, the guy looked like he would cuss both that child and his mother the fuck out of the park.

 

The guy that had been calling to the squirrel was now looking very distressed. "Fuck everything." He threw his mechanical pencil in my general direction.

 

Upon closer inspection to this dude, he wasn't bad looking. Most of his features had been hidden under a hoodie and scarf until now. "What were you even attempting there?" I questioned now interested and less afraid of having a squirrel sicced after me with violent intent.

 

He collected his papers and notebook and sat down on the nearby bench. "It's for a stupid science project. Why again did I think behavioral habits of a squirrel would be a good topic?" He answered.

 

Intriguing, "Mind if I sit?" I asked looking down at him. "Frank, by the way." I held out my hand.

 

He reached out to shake my hand with his own. "Gerard. Sure, have seat."

 

"You know Gerard, According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible."

 

"Ah, give 'em the ol' razzle dazzle, am-I-rite Fronkie?" Gerard replied with intense fascination itching in his loins.

 

 

  
~I'll take my leave now, you're welcome for this waste of time~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yup. Down hill. Reeaaal fast. 
> 
> I hope you cherish that last line as much as I do.
> 
> But like actually what the hell even is this?
> 
>  
> 
> http://www.script-o-rama.com/movie_scripts/a1/bee-movie-script-transcript-seinfeld.html


End file.
